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I'm really getting frustrated with all these diets and excercise. Nothing seems to be working.. Its been months since I started all these things and it doesn't seem like anything is working. I know I'm at a very unhealthy weight and I want to lose weight... Really. But no matter how much I move, sweat, and try to eat less and healthier no fat seems to leave. 

I miss feeling good about myself.

I hate technology...

I really hate my life with technology sometimes.... First our fridge leaks all over the place, soaking the near by carpet thus making it reek of mildew and now Dunkin Donuts decides to charge me NOW, as in all at once, for the purchases I had been making over the past TWO MONTHS. So they total to just enough for them to over draw my account and now I'm getting charged for that PLUS the over charge fees.... I am never using my card again. Cold hard cash is just so much easier and safe... And its not even my fault! When I made those purchases I had money in my account its friggin Dunkin Donuts who's merchant service appearantly that was fucked up and didn't process them until right now.
I've been thinking for awhile now I don't know if I want to major in art anymore. I honestly haven't drawn anything for fun in nearly six months and I wonder if I'd be happy drawing for other people as a career. Ofcourse this also could be because I haven't been in any kind of conductive studio atmosphere in awhile either but then again if I need to be in a studio to draw then maybe that's another reason I should find a different major.

For awhile I've been thinking of switching to Engineering. After working at Dorney this summer I've become more and more interested in how things work especially rides and such. I was actually happy when the ride broke down so I would be able to see the inards and get a glimpse at how they work. And even before considering art as a major I considered engineering.

Ah well, if this doesn't make any sense sorry, I'm sure there's alot of typos but I'm not really in the mood to check for them. Good night all.



Sorry its so crummy I took it with my cell phone

This just in..

...I have just seen the first flurry of the year. Its cute.

Oct. 20th, 2008

I WANT A HAUNT HOODIE... Somebody come into screamworks and say I scared you? Please? I love you?

Haha... My posts mean NOTHING anymore.
RIP my lovely old 20 year old vaporizer. You served me well while I had a cold. X< I hate being sick.

I bitch alot... Oops XD

I feel bad for this poor jounral all I really do is bitch, even though I have alot of good things happen.

Like for instant, have I ever mentioned that I LOVE my job at Dorney even though the customers and heat can get really bitchy. Still I love it. I do look forward to it and now that the season is coming to a close and the hours are deceasing I find myself bored and lonely, well just missing my friends (fuck calling them coworkers, they're so much more than that). And don't try to deny it. If you saw it you'd think my farmer's dorney tan was hot. 

Oh yeah did I mention that once october comes I'll be doing the Haunt? AKA I'm off of rides and now I get to scare the crap out of customers? Yay I don't have to be sickenly polite anymore! I'm be an acid drenched zombie factory worker. I loves it. I hope. XD

Damn I really need to bring my camera to work one day. I need pictures!

I wish I didn't feel so anxious all the time... I just want to do the things everyone else does. Simple things like learning to drive a car, going to work with worrying about my co-workers think of me, getting into a argument with a friend and not have to feel like I have to apologize fifty time the next time I see them, just things like that. I constantly have this nervous, paranoid knot in my chest. Its easy enough to just act like nothing is bothering me but sometimes I wish I could honestly just relax completely, without that annoying little 'oh no' nag in the back of my head.
DISCLAIMER: Now don't get me wrong. I ADORE my job 99% of the time. And the majority of my co-workers are fucking awesome but there are somethings that get on my nerves. :3 And I get to rant if I want to.

Dear customers,

-Stop kicking me while I'm checking your harness. Seriously. Its not cute. Especially if you're over the age of 13.

-Also men stop pretending I'm crushing your balls and dick. I do not press down that hard on the harness.

-Same goes for you women out there and your breasts and/or gut. I HAVE to make sure the harness clicks ATLEAST once and that I can get the buckle buckled.

-And I'm sorry if you can't fit in the seat.... But we do have a sample seat down at the main entrance.

-I am not a mechanic. Therefore I cannot magically fix the track/harness/whatever if it is not working properly.

-In fact don't get mad me when something doesn't work and I won't let you board the train. These are heavily used machines. They are not perfect. They do break down. And isn't better we found this problem BEFORE you got on?

-Stop pretending to be too short to ride by ducking/bending over. I see it a hundred times a day you are not being funny and unique. Not at all.

-When we say secure all loose items we mean ALL loose items. And don't come crying to me when you don't and you lose a cellphone/camera/necklace whatever. On that note, no, we are not going to stop the ride just we can go looking for your lost item. We only do that at the end of the day.

-Don't get mad at me if your child is not tall enough to ride. Yes it be only an inch but that is still TOO SHORT. And I don't care enough to lose my job because of you. I like money. Sorry you paid a full price ticket for Junior to get into the park but I don't make the rules. I just make sure you follow them.

-And if I'm at the upper height check I don't care if they checked at lower height check. I have to double check. Its the rule.

-The que line is pavement. Please don't run.

-By the way, in case you didn't know, I can't control the weather.

-Also I didn't design the coaster so don't get complain about us having to shut down the coaster when it rains.


To my Fellow Employee's:

-Don't rush me damn it. I'm not THAT slow. That means if I'm in control of the opening and closing the gates. LET ME DO MY JOB, I'll open the gates when I'm done unlocking my harnesses. Yes, I am talking to you, you snot nosed 16 year old.

-Finish training me, Paul. I don't like being clueless about somethings.


-....That Dipping Dots stall across the midway makes me hungry. Mmm... Futuristic ice cream...

Apr. 25th, 2008

We put Freckles down this morning. What we thought were seizures weren't actually seizures. They really cardiac arrests or episodes or something. She started to have one this morning and after 40 minutes of not snapping out of it we took her to the vet. And when the vet actually saw what was going on they realized what was really going on. And there wasn't really anything anyone could do for her anymore. So no long term medicine solution or anything. Even a sedative wasn't calming her down. So there wasn't really anything to do but put her down.

She did have a good fifteen years but its still hard to accept. The house feels so empty now.